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Response to PUNISHER #1 Review

My response to Justin's and John's response to my PUNISHER #1 review:


>> hey u piece of horse shit <<

Whoa, nellie...I'm stunned. I've rarely received a message this eloquent.

>> the punisher is one of the best Marvel books ever published <<

It's right up there with CRYSTAR and COMET MAN, all right. Yep, it's much better than Kirby's FF, the Kree-Skrull War, Claremont's X-MEN, Miller's DAREDEVIL, or MARVELS. What was I thinking?

If you say so. Why don't you go to eBay and bid on my auction? I'm selling a few of my classic Punisher comics this week (3/20/00).

>> i know all u like to read is books approved by the comic code <<

Do you really know that? Actually, I enjoy PREACHER and HELLBLAZER sporadically, which is odd since they come from the same creative team. That's because there's a world of difference between them and the new PUNISHER.

>> and if u ever say shit bout Garth, i will seriously kick yo' fuckin ass all over this Goddamn place <<

Which place is that?

Are you talking about the Garth who can't write a PUNISHER comic worth a bean? You're welcome to try, lightweight. Unless you can do better than you did in this rebuttal, I'm not worried. I've seen scarier postage stamps.

>> everybody likes violence <<

Yeah, except the victims.

>> that grossman guy, fuck him too, u actually bought that fuckin book? <<

No, I read an editorial he wrote in the newspaper. You might try reading the newspaper, too. It would improve your spelling skills, if nothing else.

>> u serioiusly suck cock for a living <<

You're thinking of someone else. A relative, perhaps? I write business and computer articles for a living.

>> why do u shame the comic book industry by buyin the books and writin shit about them <<

"Shame the industry"? You think the industry cares what I think? Why are you protecting the feelings of creative hacks? More important, why are you protecting their profits? Did they pay you to write this? (If so, they deserve a refund.)

If the industry does care, that would mean it's sensitive to the public's wishes. Which is exactly how it should be. Got a problem with that?

>> i wish your head was twisted 180 degrees because u surely deserved it from what i read <<

I wish you'd learn how to capitalize words and add a "g" to "-ing" words. You remind me of those hillbilly types in PREACHER. Maybe it's the way you keep talking about barnyard animals (horses, goats, chickens). You seem oddly "familiar" with them and their uses.

>> u piece of shit, callin one of the most entertaining books i bought the past month one of the "most worthless comic of the decade" <<

Yep. We've confirmed you know how to read, at least.

>> hell u havent read any Vertigo books have u, u piece of cow shit <<

Wrong, sonny. I have the complete trade paperback SANDMAN series, for starters. If you count the individual comics those include, I probably have 100-200 Vertigo comics.

>> cause clearly ure too good for comics u tub of goat shit <<

True. I write so much better than the average comic book writer it isn't funny. Ennis is normally a fine writer, but his take on THE PUNISHER is inferior to previous takes. (And I thought they were bad.)

>> and what kind of fuckin comic do u write?
Peace party?
about fuckin indians? <<

You figured it out. Congratulations! Was it the big bold print at the top of my site that tipped you off?



>> what the fuck u been smokin? crack? yeah probably BUTT CRACK! <<

Hey, John. Aren't you the same person as Justin? If you are, you should try a little harder to disguise your writing. If you're not, you're both incredibly unoriginal, since you've written me the same lines.

>> thats gotta be the gayest shit i have ever heard <<

Sophocles, Euripides, Socrates, Aristotle, Alexander the Great, Julius Caeser, Richard the Lion-Hearted, Leonardo da Vinci, Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, John Milton, Peter the Great, Lord Byron, Hans Christian Anderson, Walt Whitman, Horatio Alger, Petr Ilich Tchaikovsky, Oscar Wilde, Marcel Proust, E.M. Forster, Virginia Woolf, John Maynard Keynes, Dag Hammarskjold, W.H. Auden, Tennesse Williams, Allan Ginsberg, and Janis Joplin were gay. Are you saying PEACE PARTY is as well-written as Oedipus Rex or The Glass Menagerie, as well-drawn as the Mona Lisa, as moving as the Nutcracker Suite? Gee, thanks!

Or are you saying Indians are gay? Uh-huh. And—wait, don't tell me—you think blacks have rhythm and Jews control the economy? Am I getting close?

You have a problem with your masculinity, I take it.

>> i hope your comic gets cancelled or somethin and u go out of business <<

Ain't gonna happen, junior. I self-publish PEACE PARTY in my spare time, so whether I stay in business or not is completely up to me. If you want, I can alert you when we have new products available.

>> and u telin me they suppose to fight prejudice and pollution <<

Yep! Someone has to, since DC's and Marvel's heroes don't care much about these issues.

>> how old are u, and u actually expect to get sales? <<

How old do you think I am? Can I be a hippie if my hair is starting to go?

Do I expect to get sales? Why don't you visit my Fans page and find out? Apparently, I've already gotten some. Sorry to break the news to you.

>> how fucked up in the head are u? <<

Not much at all. What's your excuse? When you had to drop out, was it tough watching the other kids graduate and go on to first grade?

>> was your mom a crack whore when u were born? <<

Not that I know of. How about yours?

>> what kind of shit is that? <<

Multicultural "shit." Do you understand "multicultural"? It's a big word with five syllables, I know.

>> and i really hope u will die <<

If you wait long enough, you may get your wish.

>> u make me sick <<

Likewise, I'm sure.

Your doctor should be able to prescribe something for your condition.

If you still feel sick after that, take two PEACE PARTYs and call me in the morning.

Well, now we know THE PUNISHER bears no relation to people's violent attitudes and beliefs. Punisher fans are calm and easy-going, same as everyone else. To them happiness is a rainbow, a sunset, a warm puppy. They overflow with the milk of human kindness.

These fans aren't seething cauldrons of unrequited emotions. They won't go postal if you slight them...won't shoot you on the freeway if you forget to signal. Oh, no...of course not.

Thanks for writing, Justin/John. In your own inimitable way, you've nicely summed up this debate. You couldn't have made my point better if you'd tried.

Rob Schmidt

P.S. Does this mean you don't want to buy my comic? If you change your mind, visit my Customers page.

Readers respond
"I...would like you to retract the statement that these two are indicative of the typical Punisher fan."

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Original text and pictures © copyright 2007 by Robert Schmidt.

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