Go Whities!

An Associated Press story out of Greeley, Colorado has made big news. You may have heard about it, but here it is: "Unable to persuade a local skrool to change a mascot name that offends them, a group of American Injun students at the University of Northern Colorado has named their intramural basketball team the Fighting Whities." Now, I think that's great! "The team chose a white man as its mascot to raise awareness of stereotypes that some cultures endure."

I love this, and it doesn't offend me at all! I'd be proud to be on the team -- which is the difference here. There isn't a white person around that's going to be offended by this. These guys are going to be thought of as creative and heroes. They're going to get their own offers from advertising agencies to come up with advertising campaigns for McDonald's next. Of course, a poll by the Peter Harris Research Group found over 80% of Native Americans don't think sports teams should change the names either.

Solomon Little Owl, a member of the team and director of Native American Student services at the university told AP, "The message is, let's do something that will let people see the other side of what it's like to be a mascot." The team, made up of American Injuns, Hispanics, and Anglos wears jerseys saying "Everything's going to be all white." That's great! I had to laugh and laugh on the air. These students were mad with rivals at Eaton High School. Their mascot, the Reds, use an American Injun caricature on a team logo.

"It's not meant to be vicious, it's meant to be humorous," said Ray White, a Mohawk on the team. "It puts people in our shoes." Eaton's district superintendent insists the Reds' logo is not derogatory, and said the Whities are "insulting," saying that the Reds' caricature intends "no mockery of Native Americans." Now, come on. This is not insulting, whitie; it's funny.

If these Native Americans had wanted to offend, they could have come up with something a lot worse than the Fighting Whities. I mean, that's a hell of a team. I'm completely fine with it, but you know who's not going to let them get away with it is the NAALCP. What's going to happen is you're going to have a bunch of civil rights groups led by Jesse Jackson saying, "You can't do that!" Still, it's just too good. The Fighting Whities? It just rolls off the tongue. Who wouldn't want to be on that team?

In fact, let's rename the 101st Airborne Division the "Fighting Whities." I mean, can't you see that painted on some Air Force squadron, on the tail of a bunch of F-16s: the Fighting Whities -- and paint the airplanes all white. Oh-ho! I'll guarantee you that this is not going to fly well with the NAACP crowd, folks, because it's good, the Fighting Whities. I really do wish that I had authored this as the name of this Greeley, Colorado team. It's just too good. In fact, I'm surprised nobody has done it before.